Or: a desperate search to find a way to live with a chaotic brain and still be a somewhat useful member of society
Look, I don’t even know whether I have ADHD or not. I only know that my brain is like a roller coaster that never stops. Sometimes I’m on board of this roller coaster and it’s great; I can get a lot done and I feel like a superwoman. Most of the time, however, I’m not on the roller coaster but at the side, observing it. This is not where I want to be because then I’m sort of forced to keep looking at the roller coaster, like the guy in that movie A Clockwork Orange This is the most accurate description I can give for the two states I have in my brain. People who know for sure that they have ADHD, please tell me: am I a possible candidate for it as well?
The main problem I have perceived over the course of my life so far is that I have never succeeded to be a “productive” person. I feel like I’m constantly at the mercy of whatever my brain wants to do in the moment and I don’t feel motivated by long term tasks. I have felt depressed about this at times because it just feeds an eternal feeling of disappointment in myself.1 Even when writing this, for example, my brain says: open the curtains, it’s too dark here. And I do so. I was also soaking my tea bag and I needed to get it out. So I did. As you can guess: concentration is an incredibly rare resource for me. This is the roller coaster when I’m not on it, but forced to go where it goes. If there’s one thing we humans loathe, it’s the feeling of lack of control. In a way, I feel like I’m not in control of myself and that’s so crazy to admit to yourself.
Photo by Sivani Bandaru on Unsplash
Okay, nice sob story, but where does this lead? For as long as I can remember, I’ve been trying to fight my way out of dealing with these two states (chaotic control or no control), with very limited success. But now, I might have stumbled on a way to more often be on the roller coaster, instead of observing it. *cue a hopeful song*
My husband bought the book “How to Take Smart Notes” and because we share our Kindle library I saw it pop up on my Kindle. Intrigued, I opened the book and started reading. Perhaps I will look back on this moment as a very fateful decision. For the first time in a while, I have hope that I can accept my chaotic brain and use it to its strengths instead of feeling like it’s an immense weak point of mine.
The book takes you through the Zettelkasten method, as developed by Luhmann (amongst others). The premise of the method is this: don’t rely on willpower or the allure of procrastination to get things done, create an environment where those two things are irrelevant. Well, that sounds like music to my ears because let me tell you from the bottom of my heart: browbeating yourself into doing things is absolutely dreadful and takes the fun out of anything you wish to accomplish.
Photo by Jan Antonin Kolar on Unsplash
This quote from the book almost made me cry by how truthful it is about my own situation:
“It is certainly not the lack of interesting topics, but rather the employment of problematic work routines that seems to take charge of us instead of allowing us to steer the process in the right direction. A good, structured workflow puts us back in charge and increases our freedom to do the right thing at the right time.”2
At the center of this thinking framework is: writing. You should write small notes about everything interesting your encounter and structure those notes in a way so that they will in term serve as your second brain. Basically: offload the chaos in your brain in a smart way so it will work to your advantage. I can write words to explain what the smart way entails, but I recommend you watch this 10 minute YouTube video, which explains the whole system very efficiently:
https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/GpV47rUYk8I?rel=0&autoplay=0&showinfo=0&enablejsapi=0
The perfect modern tool to use this system with exists: Obsidian. It’s my tool of the year and perhaps the best tech tool I’ll use in my life.
The same lady from the first YouTube video also has a video explaining how to use Zettelkasten with Obsidian:
In the coming weeks and months, I will try to integrate this system in my life in the hopes to have finally found something that might help me reign in the chaos and end my one-sided relationship with motivation. I’m hopeful and scared at the same time. I’m scared because so far, “productivity frameworks” have failed to work for me. I’m hopeful because this one seems to be different. It doesn’t seem to be focused on the end result, but on the process. Well, fingers crossed!
Have you heard about the Zettelkasten system before? If not, are you intrigued after reading my post? Let me know! Also let me know if you have ADHD and have found ways to get things done with it.
Live Sensibly is about different ways to be a good human in this crazy world. Be kind to yourself and others. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
1 That’s why my main sport, powerlifting, is so good for me because the feedback loops are incredibly short.
2 page 6, How to Take Smart Notes
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